Remembering Joanna 3 years after her passing 
by Bill Jones

Joanna passed away 3 years ago at 1:16 a.m., Sunday, February 14. 2021. In this blog post, I want to share just a few of the things that were special about this wonderful, sweet, loving woman who was my wife for the last 44½ years of her life and the love of my life for 48 years. I’ll never feel worthy of her; it’s only by the grace of God that Joanna chose to spend her life with me, and I’m eternally grateful that she did. This is my tribute on this third anniversary of her passing.

Joanna Ching-Ping Wong Jones . . . she was truly the heart and soul of our family. She was quiet and unassuming yet had personality oozing from every pore. She was especially in her element when the family went together to her/our favorite Chinese restaurant – which, for the past 15 or 20 years, has been JS Chen’s in Plano – to eat dim sum. Joanna took charge, speaking in Cantonese to order the various dim sum delicacies she knew we loved. The staff all knew and loved her; she and the owner, Anna, who is also from Hong Kong, became good friends; she even invited Anna to our home one time to show Anna her paintings.

Falling in love with her all over again

I look at her pictures constantly – from the early days of our dating on through the next 48 years – and am dazzled by her physical beauty. How could this beautiful woman choose to love me and spend her life with me? How blessed I have been!

When I look at the pictures of Joanna when we were dating, I remember that 19-year-old girl who met with me regularly in the OBU University Center to teach me Cantonese, as we first started to get to know each other, as I first got to know that gentle laugh and beautiful smile  . . . the girl I asked to go with me to an OBU basketball game . . . the girl I started spending a lot of time with – even flying to Boston that summer of 1973, where she and some of our other Chinese friends from OBU were working, to spend a weekend with her. And I find myself falling in love with her all over again. It’s rough to fall in love with someone who now resides on another plane, but I’m falling in love all over again with the girl . . . the woman . . . I knew in this life and spent 48 years loving.

“Percolating” feelings

I’ve often said that I first decided to ask Joanna out during the party – on Friday evening, January 5, 1973 – held to celebrate the induction of the new members of the Chinese Student Association, including me. [If you don’t know the story of how we got to know each other, it’s worth knowing . . . I wrote about it in 50 years ago – October 1972: Audio of Joanna beginning to teach me Cantonese (3 mo. before our first date)].

I think that’s accurate. However, I think there were feelings already “percolating” in my heart and mind. Shortly before Christmas 1972, as I was sitting just inside the front door of the OBU library, reading a newspaper, I heard “Hi, Beeel,” and looked up to see Joanna who had just descended the stairs, on her way out, smiling at me. She looked so cute, so happy, and the wide smile on her face – along with the one in her voice – brightened up the room. As you see, over 50 years later, this image – even the multicolored winter coat she was wearing – is still vivid in my mind, so – as I said – feelings were apparently already “percolating” not only on my part but hers as well.

At that party a few weeks later, I remember looking at Joanna and thinking, “She has such a pretty smile, and I really enjoy being with her. Hmmm, I should ask her out.”

Joanna’s sense of humor

I miss teasing with Joanna. She had a delightful sense of humor. I remember the times that I would be partially dressed after getting out of the shower, etc., and I would hear Joanna, sitting in her recliner in our bedroom, exclaim, “Woo-hoo!”

So nowadays, when I’m getting dressed, I often say “Woo-hoo”; it comforts me to pretend she’s still in there teasing me.

Travis used his cell phone to take numerous short videos of Joanna. We were at Dave & Buster’s one time, and Joanna started impishly mugging for Travis’s camera, dancing to the music playing overhead. On another video, taken when they were driving, Travis had rap music playing on the radio. When Joanna realized he was filming, she gave Travis a “gang” sign used by rappers.

A patient and understanding woman

Joanna was extremely patient . . . when it came to her patience with her husband, maybe a better word is “longsuffering.” Since she’s been gone, I’ve had a lot of time to ponder things I rarely pondered before. One of those things is how in the world a special woman like her could choose to spend her life – from the age of 19 ’til her passing at 68 – with a guy like me.

When we started dating, I had no prospects whatsoever. I was months away from graduating with a music education degree that I had no intention of using. By the time we were married 3½ years later, I had worked as a telephone operator and gone back to OBU for a few business courses – but I didn’t really have a passion for business; and spent a year floundering in law school – from which I would withdraw at the beginning of my 4th semester.

Yet she stuck with me. Besides that, she was extremely organized, keeping a neat house, while I am a packrat who has accumulated files of various papers, as well as memorabilia from my youth, and my study was – except after a rare round of cleaning & organizing – a mess. Yet she inexplicably loved me and stuck with me.

A loving mom and grandma

Joanna was a sweet mom to Alison and Travis, and a sweet grandma to our four grandchildren. She reminded me of my own sweet mother in that she would give of herself and sacrifice anything for the happiness of her family. Love and understanding was more important to her than being right.

My mother’s love and understanding is best illustrated by an incident that involved Joanna. Less than 2 months after we started dating, we broke up – the first of two breakups that first year, both resulting from my insecurity.

I had planned to stay in Shawnee during Spring Break to spend time with Joanna. But when she wouldn’t take my phone calls because she perceived I had insulted one of her friends, I figured that this meant that we were through, so I caught a flight home to Kansas City. Mother picked me up at the airport. On the way home, Mother said how sorry she was that things hadn’t worked out with my girlfriend and me. This shocked me, because I knew how important it was to Mother that I marry a Christian. I replied, petulantly, “Well, I figured you’d be glad we broke up, because Joanna’s not a Christian.”

My sweet, loving mother replied, “Honey, I just want you to be happy.”

In that moment, I learned a lot about my mother, and I learned a lot about love. Joanna displayed this same tenderness and care toward our family that I had seen in my mother that day. Not quite a year later, Mother and Daddy visited Shawnee and met Joanna for the first time. They immediately fell in love with her. She and Mother always had a wonderful relationship.

Both Alison and Travis were close to their mom. Alison and Joanna talked frequently on the phone. Alison could confide in Joanna as a daughter can confide only in her mom. Travis has often said that one reason he’s thankful for the stroke he suffered in April 2013 is that living with us after his stroke and his divorce gave him a chance to get to know his parents as an adult in a way he couldn’t as a child growing up. He and his mom, in particular, talked a lot – about serious things – but also teased each other a lot. Travis’s bedroom is right down the hall from my study. Joanna would often go to his room and talk with him; I was only half-joking when I frequently remarked that it made me nervous to hear them talking in his room – because I feared that I might be the subject of their discussion!

After Joanna passed away, I felt especially bad for our kids. I can be a loving dad to them, but I can never replace their mom – any more than they can replace my wife for me.

She doted on our four grandchildren, always keeping the Chinese tradition with which she had grown up – giving the kids and grandkids “red pocket” money on birthdays and Chinese new year. Oh how she loved those grandkids, and they sure loved her!

Joanna’s family

Joanna loved her birth family. I doubt that I ever saw her light up as much as those special times we spent with her family. She and her two sisters reminded me of my mother and her sisters – chattering away excitedly, happy to be with each other.

In May 1979, almost 3 years into our marriage, Joanna and I traveled to Hong Kong; it was the honeymoon – promised as a gift from my parents – that we hadn’t had the time to take until then. As our flight neared Hong Kong, Joanna was teaching me what to call her parents, and I anxiously practiced, over and over, in those moments before we landed – mummy . . .  ba-ba . . . mummy . . . ba-ba . . . mummy . . . ba-ba. Joanna’s family accepted me with open and loving arms; however, where I really won the love of her mom – who didn’t speak any English – was when we were all out at a restaurant, and her mom . . . mummy . . . challenged me to pick up a peanut with my chopsticks, and I did it without any hesitation or trouble. Joanna had taught me to use chopsticks during that summer 1973 weekend in Boston that I mentioned earlier.

In December 1990, we took Alison and Travis – ages 9 and 5, respectively – to Hong Kong for the first time, staying 3 weeks with Joanna’s parents in their flat. We wanted the kids to experience their mom’s culture; the U.K. was due to hand Hong Kong back to China in just a few years, and Joanna’s parents were planning to immigrate to Canada (where Rossana and her family had lived since 1976) before the handover. We spent a wonderful 3 weeks with Joanna’s family. One evening, her dad took me to the horse races at the Happy Valley Racecourse. His club had a box there with a little restaurant where he treated me to dinner; then we were able to walk out the other side, and there we were in the box seats owned by his club. It was an enjoyable, relaxing evening spent with my father-in-law.

Courageous in every way

Joanna was courageous. It took a special kind of courage for this girl from Hong Kong – whom her parents expected to return home after getting an education in the States – to tell them that she planned to marry an American and stay in the U.S. for the rest of her life. It wasn’t what they wanted, but they accepted her decision, because they truly wanted her to be happy. They didn’t come to the wedding – their family was represented by her oldest sister, Rossana, and her family; and her older brother, Jovan, who gave her away at our wedding.

She displayed great courage in her last months. In August 2020, during her annual evaluation at the Transplant Institute, the surgeon there told her that she was too weak to have a kidney transplant at that time and that they would need to remove her name from the transplant list.

She didn’t let this discourage her. Determined to reclaim her spot on that list as quickly as possible, Joanna – at Alison’s suggestion – signed up with a nearby rehab center for regular sessions with a physical therapist. She and I sometimes took a brisk walk together around our neighborhood. Other times, she walked the hallway in our house, from the front door to the back door and back for 20 minutes or so, usually asking me to accompany her. (In retrospect, this may have been her sneaky way of getting ME some exercise; I wouldn’t be surprised at all.) By the middle of December, she was back on the transplant list.

A few weeks before her transplant surgery, she displayed another kind of courage. Our church was still worshipping “virtually” because of COVID. Our Sunday School class was meeting by Zoom. A few days after the January 6 insurrection at the U.S. Capitol, our class’s director decided to scrap the planned lesson and spend the hour letting us process our feelings and concerns about that tragic event.

In 40+ years of being with Joanna in Sunday School classes in various churches, I don’t remember Joanna ever speaking up during class discussion. I was the vocal one, not her. That Sunday, she stayed in her recliner in the bedroom, attending Sunday School on her phone. I was on my desktop computer in my study.

I doubt that she had any idea, when the class began, that she would be speaking up that day. But deep feelings were obviously welling up within her, and she found herself compelled to give voice to them. She surprised us all when she shared her fears, as an Asian woman, after hearing the outgoing president utter phrases like “kung flu” and “China virus.” She said that he had purposely stirred up hatred and anger against people of Asian descent. She was now afraid to even walk out into our neighborhood, for fear that someone might be targeting Asian people and harming them. She was eloquent and emotional.

As soon as the class was over, I rushed to the bedroom and said, “Babe, I am so proud of you,” for I knew the courage it had taken for her to speak out that morning.

Weeks later, after she had passed away in the wee hours (1:16 a.m.) of Sunday, Feb. 14, the class again scrapped the planned lesson, this time to share their memories of Joanna. I, of course, wasn’t in attendance that morning, but I later received a transcription of the comments. Several of them mentioned how she had moved them with her remarks only weeks earlier. The next morning, I received an email from a dear friend who had been with us in that class ever since we joined almost 16½ years earlier. He wrote, “The next time you ‘talk’ to Joanna, which I’m sure you will, please thank her for the most powerful Sunday school class I’ve sat through in 70 years. And I’ve sat through a lot.” Joanna made an impact on people – whether with her voice or her silence.

Sharing love . . . friendship . . . partnership . . . companionship

We had a wonderful life together. As with any marriage of 44 years or thereabouts, we shared joys, we shared the commonplace, we shared sorrow.

We comforted and supported each other through many sorrows: the sudden passing, in October 1979, of my friend Ron Russey; the devastating murder of her brother, Jovan, in December 1980; the passing of my parents in 1997 and 2007 and of her father in 2001, her brother-in-law David in 2006, and her nephew Wilkie in June 2020, less than a year before Joanna herself would be gone. Through all of these and more, we comforted and encouraged each other.

We shared the joys of the births of two children and four grandchildren, but we also endured her miscarriage in September 1984. Miscarriage – such a cold, clinical term; it doesn’t convey the sorrow we felt. We were told that the fetus never really developed, yet it felt like a death in the family. You can’t imagine our joy when Travis was born just 14 months later, in November 1985.

Not long after Joanna passed away, I started beginning each day with this prayer, even before I get out of bed: “Father, thank you for blessing me with Joanna’s love for 48 years – this incredible gift of this wonderful, beautiful, sweet, loving, caring, bright, funny, precious woman in my life all those years. Her love, her friendship, her partnership, her companionship. Thank you, Lord. Please tell Joanna how deeply I love her and miss her.”

She was all those things and more – deeply loving me in a way that I can’t even comprehend; a friend like no other, knowing all of my faults yet staying at my side through whatever we faced; a partner in every part of my life; and my life companion – we simply loved being together.

She was a good and faithful friend – not only to me but to many others. She especially loved her Mobil/ExxonMobil colleagues – several of them became especially close friends with her, and I have continued to stay in close touch with them since her passing. They meant a lot to her. She also stayed close to several of her OBU friends, and even a couple of high school friends she had known growing up in Hong Kong. She loved her friends at church as well.

Taking a journey of faith together . . . step by step

One thing that I see as a miracle from God is how Joanna and I grew in faith over the years. When we met and started dating, Joanna had no religious background. Yes, she had attended a Catholic school in Hong Kong, but that was more for education than indoctrination. Her parents were not religious . . . the closest they came was that her mom followed some Buddhist practices. As for me, I had grown up a Baptist, son of a preacher, but I had lost my faith early in my sophomore year at OBU and was in the midst of a search, a struggle to find just what made sense to me, something to which I could commit my life in good conscience . . . I was searching. Looking back at where God brought the two of us over the years is as remarkable as anything I know.

By the time we married in 1976, I was again able to accept Christianity intellectually, though in a much different form . . . one that acknowledged questions, doubts, uncertainty . . . than the Christian faith I had known as a child or even as a teenager. But I was not yet to the point of making a faith commitment. In February 1971, early in that search, I had joined University Baptist Church, across Kickapoo St. from the OBU campus, where the pastor, Jerry Barnes, was understanding and helped to guide me.

After Joanna and I started dating, she started attending with me and eventually made a profession of faith in Christ. However, Jerry, aware that Joanna had no faith background, advised her to spend some time learning more about different denominations before committing to baptism. Fast-forward to April 1979, almost 2 years after our move to Denver, when I joined University Hills Baptist Church. Joanna attended regularly with me. In December 1980, Joanna’s older brother, Jovan, was murdered in London; Joanna was overwhelmed by the love shown her by the members of that church, as well as the love shown her by my family; in August 1981, about 5 months pregnant with Alison, Joanna made another profession of faith and was baptized the next week. Our pastor, Davis Cooper, joked that it was the first “infant baptism” he had ever performed.

Through the years, Joanna and I grew together in faith, helping and encouraging each other. Until the day of her passing, Joanna had questions . . . deep questions . . . about matters of faith, and we had some really good discussions. Some were at home, others were on the way home from church after an intriguing sermon or Sunday School discussion. When it came to matters of faith, we almost always found ourselves of one mind . . .

oh, we may have disagreed on a minor point here or there, but we were never far apart on the basics. Our theology, our understanding of God changed through the years . . . it was never static . . . but we always found ourselves moving together in matters of faith, never in different directions. I think that was because we spent so much time talking about these matters together.

Committed to excellence in every area of her life

Finally, Joanna had a commitment to excellence that was second to none. Whatever she did, she did conscientiously with intentionality, purpose, drive, and preparation. In 1984, she experienced two very special accomplishments. She attained U.S. citizenship and earned her CPA license and certification. On the day that she received a notice in the mail, telling her that she had passed all parts of the CPA exam, a double rainbow appeared above our house. She took a picture of it . . . she said it was a sign from God. And so it must have been.

Having earned an Accounting degree from OBU, she got the Mobil Oil job as a financial analyst in November 1976, just 2 months after we were married. She spent the next 34½ years with Mobil/ExxonMobil before taking early retirement in March 2011 because of the kidney disease with which she had been diagnosed in 2010. High blood pressure was a major contributor to that disease, and she needed to reduce the stress in her life. But she loved her work, and she loved Mobil/ExxonMobil. They treated her and our family well over the years, and she was a faithful, hard-working employee who set a standard of excellence in everything she did there.

After retiring from ExxonMobil, she took up painting – mostly landscapes, though her favorite was a painting of an owl. She taught herself, mostly through watching YouTube videos, though she once took a series of classes at the nearby Hobby Lobby. She set up a studio in our “bonus room” upstairs, and went to work. She transformed the rotunda of our entryway into a gallery of her paintings.

Missing her

I miss Joanna as much as – or more than – the day she passed away. I miss Joanna with every breath I take. That’s no exaggeration. But seeing what she went through those last few years, and especially those last two weeks, suffering multiple strokes, I’m happy for her that she didn’t have to live for years with the effects of those strokes. I also realize that having the love of someone so special for as long as I did is rare – not many people get such a blessing, so I’m thankful. Joanna is the love of my life forever.

In the meantime, I rest on Jesus’s promise, recorded in John 14:2-3 (NIV) – “My Father’s house has many rooms; if that were not so, would I have told you that I am going there to prepare a place for you? And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am.” I’ll see Joanna again – when I see Jesus. That’s something to look forward to with great anticipation. Thanks be to God.

My 21 previous blog tributes to Joanna since her passing on February 14, 2021:

9/4/23 – Forty-seven years ago today, we said “I do,” and I still do
8/14/23 – After 2½ years, I miss Joanna more than ever
7/26/23 – 50 years ago this week – a special weekend in Boston with Joanna
2/12/23 – Two milestones: Today, Feb. 12, Joanna’s 70th birthday; Tuesday, Feb. 14, the 2nd anniversary of her passing
1/20/23 – 50 years ago tonight – January 20, 1973: Joanna & I went on our first date at OBU
10/28/22 – 50 years ago – October 1972: Audio of Joanna beginning to teach me Cantonese (3 mo. before our first date)
9/4/22 – On our 46th, remembering anniversary celebrations with Joanna through the years
8/14/22 – A year-and-a-half later: Missing Joanna more than ever
1/29/22 – One year ago – Joanna & I went out to eat together; then came the phone call that changed our lives
1/14/22 – 11 months of missing Joanna . . . my thoughts go back to another January, 49 years ago
12/14/21 – Ten months after Joanna’s passing . . . music, memories, and lumps in the throat
12/1/21 – 12/1/81, a great day as we became parents for the first time . . . Alison turns 40!
11/14/21 – Journeying with Joanna . . . Photo memories from a half-century (almost) of our travels together
9/14/21 – Pictures, pictures, pictures . . . remembering my wonderful trip with Joanna to Hong Kong, Beijing, and Macao 10 years ago this week
9/4/21 – Joanna and I were married 45 years ago today . . . Missing her and celebrating her
8/14/21 – Six months after Joanna’s passing . . . remembering her humor and all that she meant to me
7/14/21 – Five months after Joanna’s passing . . . remembering the lively soul who brought us joy
6/14/21 – Four months after Joanna’s passing . . . a few personal reflections
3/19/21 – Joanna spoke out against demeaning racial slurs and the fears they caused her as an Asian-American
2/22/21 – How Joanna and I got together . . . the beginning of our love story
2/19/21 – The painful journey that took the love of my life, Joanna . . . to the great heavenly banquet