Forty-nine years ago last night, I went to bed a single man in the apartment of my best friend, Bob Morris. Forty-nine years ago tonight, I went to bed next to my new bride, Joanna, in OUR new home.
I’ve written so much about Joanna since she passed away in February 2021 that one might think that there’s little left to say. But an intimate relationship that lasted over 48 years from the time we met and – about 3 months later – went on our first date leaves more memories than I could recount in a lifetime.
I knew she was special early in our time together, but the years brought an ever-greater realization of just HOW special.
Joanna was a person of deep compassion for those in need. In her last years, she came to love the care that our Epiphany Sunday School class at Wilshire Baptist Church gave to the Genesis Women’s Shelter for women who had been abused by their husbands. One Saturday morning every month, a few volunteers from our class would take a hot breakfast, with pastries, fruit, etc., to the shelter and serve the women and children. Joanna signed us up once a quarter for years. She wasn’t satisfied with simply cooking the food (she always made her delicious egg casserole) and serving it. She loved to sit with the women and children as they ate, hear the women’s stories, and let them know she cared. Their stories moved her.
This was just one example of the way she cared for others.
Joanna loved her Chinese heritage and culture, and celebrated it. A few weeks before her passing, she shared with our Epiphany class the pain and fear she felt, as an Asian woman living in Texas, after the president had used terms like “Kung flu” and “China virus” to describe the COVID pandemic and denigrate Asians. With deep passion, Joanna said that she was afraid even to walk out into our suburban neighborhood for fear that someone might be looking to hurt Asian-Americans like her. Because of the pandemic, our class was still meeting via Zoom (with worship services on YouTube). She was on her phone, sitting in her recliner in our bedroom; I was on the desktop computer in my study. As soon as class was over, I ran to the bedroom and said, “Babe, I am SO proud of you!” I knew what courage it had taken for her to share her most intimate feelings and fears with the class.
This was just one example of her courage and her love of her Chinese heritage and culture. To our family, Chinese food was just . . . well, food. It was a way of life. Over the past 15-20 years, we’ve had a favorite restaurant – JS Chen’s Dim Sum & Barbecue in Plano, where Joanna made friends with the owner, Anna (a Hong Kong native as Joanna was) – even inviting Anna to our house one time to see her paintings. The staff at JS Chen’s all knew Joanna by name and gave our family special treatment. We had family gatherings there for every Chinese New Year. When the kids and I surprised her with a 60th birthday luncheon in 2013 – with many of her closest friends invited, of course we chose to have it at JS Chen’s.
Joanna had a wonderful sense of humor. Oh how I miss teasing with her. She was so much fun to be with.
Joanna loved her family – both the family of her birth and the family that she and I formed together. She would sacrifice anything for family.
Joanna was the financial person in our family. She majored in Accounting at OBU and, two months after we married, was hired as a financial analyst by Mobil Oil. She spent 34½ years with Mobil/ExxonMobil before taking early retirement in 2011 because of her kidney disease.
When it came to buying things for herself, she was exceptionally frugal, but she was lavish when it came to spending money on family. She especially loved arranging – and paying for – family outings with our kids and grandkids, such as the annual Christmas Ice Experience at the Gaylord Texan Resort in Grapevine.
Joanna loved spending time with her birth family. When those three Wong sisters got together, along with their mom, I couldn’t understand most of what they were saying (in Cantonese), but it was obvious that they loved each other and were having fun just being together. Thankfully, one or the other of my brothers-in-law, David Soo, Albert Yeung, and Hiu Wong, as well as our nephew Wilkie, were sensitive to my confusion and would make sure to let me know, in general, what was going on.
How we ever got to September 4, 1976, together is a mystery, a wonderful mystery that does not need solving. I’m just thankful that we got there. After all, my insecurities led me to break up with her twice the first year we were dating. I’ll never understand why she didn’t just give up on me at that point; I’m just thankful that she didn’t. When she called and asked to talk to me, about a month after the second break-up, I said, “If we get back together this time, it’s going to be for good!” Wait, what? Those break-ups weren’t Joanna’s fault, they were mine! Anyway, for the rest of her life, Joanna said that I had never proposed to her. I pointed back to the time I said, “. . . it’s going to be for good!” But I never got her to accept that this was a proposal, and neither have any of our friends ever bought that. When we were in Corpus Christi in 2012 – where Daddy had proposed to Mother in 1937 – I got down on one knee and FINALLY proposed to her. (I’m pretty sure she said yes!)
Somehow, though, by the grace of God, we got to September 4, 1976, at University Baptist Church in Shawnee, Oklahoma, with my daddy, Jase Jones, asking us to repeat our vows and then pronouncing us wife and husband.
Our rehearsal dinner Friday evening, September 3, apparently hadn’t given me sufficient rehearsal, because there was one thing that worried me when I woke up Saturday morning. How do I lift her veil to kiss her when Daddy tells me I can kiss my bride? I mentioned this to Bob, who was to be my best man. He and Peter Cheung, my groomsman who had also stayed at Bob’s place Friday night, rigged up a pillow covered by a towel. If we had cell phones back then, I’m sure they would have taken a video. Thank goodness we didn’t have that technology back then! Yes, I practiced by lifting the towel and kissing the pillow. The towel was the veil, and the pillow was Joanna. Later that day, I enjoyed kissing Joanna a lot more than kissing that pillow!
The last anniversary we celebrated together before her passing was our 44th, five years ago. We celebrated it with lunch at a restaurant suggested to Joanna by our daughter, Alison. It was Sushi Marquee; I think it was in Plano.
Contrary to the old saying, time does NOT heal all wounds. Time has not diminished my love for Joanna, nor has it diminished the pain caused by her absence from me in this life. I miss her terribly. After Mother passed away in 1997, Daddy lived another 10 years. They were married for 59 years. For those last 10 years of his life, Daddy kept Mother’s picture all around him, cried whenever he spoke of her, and never got over losing her. I felt bad for him, wishing he could meet someone new and experience joy in a new relationship. I didn’t – couldn’t – understand then, but I do now. I’m just like Daddy. I don’t want another relationship, because nothing could ever come close to what Joanna and I had together. I’m content with my memories. As for crying, now I know – they’re good tears, because they’re reminders of the wonderful life we had together, and the wonderful woman with whom I was blessed to spend my life.
PHOTO GALLERY
Kissing my bride; looking on are Bob, Peter Cheung, and my dad, who pronounced us wife & husband
Wife and husband finally; our recessional music was Beethoven’s Ode to Joy
My best man, just before the wedding, making sure I’m ready
Waiting for the bride and her court: (L-R) Daddy (who preached the ceremony); Jerry Barnes, UBC pastor (who read scripture); the groom; Bob Morris, best man; and Peter Cheung, groomsman
Jovan Wong, Joanna’s brother, walking her down the aisle to give her away
Joanna’s family (L-R) Brother-in-law David Soo, sister Rossana, Joanna, brother Jovan, with Rossana & David’s children, Wyman and Wilkie, in front
Bill’s family: (L-R) Brother-in-law Palmer McCown, sister Patsy, Daddy (Jase Jones), Joanna, Bill, Mother (Vivian Jones), Laverne McCown (Palmer’s mother), with Patsy & Palmer’s children, Michael & Stephanie, in front
Wedding present from Cary and Susie Wood; Susie created this beautiful needlepoint in honor of our marriage
Sept. 4, 2016, on University Baptist Church chancel, where we said our vows 40 years earlier
With Bob (my best man) & Emily on Sept. 4, 2016, our 40th anniversary
Corpus Christi, October 2012 – after 36 years of marriage, I finally proposed to Joanna! (I’m pretty sure she said yes!)